Warning: Challenger Approaching
by Triforce90
Summary: A fanfiction written to expand a delightfully strange little dream that I had, involving Samus fighting a new and unknown opponent.


**A/N: Dreams are an unusual thing. They can be beautiful, horrible, realistic, surreal, serious, or silly. **

**The following fanfiction is based off of a short but impacting dream that I had last night. After telling my friends about it, they agreed that I should take the general concept and turn it into a brief fanfiction, for the lulz. Hopefully, lulz will be had. **

**I would also like to apologize for any typos and grammatical mistakes. At the time, I was sick and drunk on Robotussin and seriously just don't give a rat's ass about how good the story or the author's note reads. **

* * *

Samus ducked as Master Hand swooped down upon her, only to crash into the ground as a result of his missing by only a few inches. The bounty hunter turned her focus back on the being, thankful that she had managed to get out of the way just in time. Without giving it a second thought, she began to charge up her cannon as Master Hand rose back up into the air.

"Come on…" she muttered to herself, watching the glowing sphere grow in size. It seemed to be taking a lot longer than usual.

Master Hand saw his potential chance and lunged forward. Samus looked up in shock as she noticed the large glove right over her head, and before she could react, she was slammed to the ground and smothered by the entity. She gasped for air as she felt her armor pressing firmly against her skin. If it were to give way for some reason, chances are her ribs would be the first to break.

Master Hand removed himself from on top of the bounty hunter and flicked her across the stage with his large index finger. Samus tumbled through the air, trying to position herself to land upright but unable to do so. She slid several feet upon impact, thankful to not have ended up falling off the side. She got up quickly, aimed her cannon, and fired.

It was a direct hit; the charge shot hit Master Hand right in his palm, bringing his health to zero.

The bounty hunter smiled faintly as she watched him fly off into the background, writhing in pain and the humiliation of having been defeated. She did well, and she knew it.

However, she was taken by surprise when she heard sirens go off in each direction.

**WARNING: CHALLENGER APPROACHING**

"Oh crap," the bounty hunter muttered, bracing herself into a more ready position to fight. This wasn't good… She felt weak and tired, and the last thing that she wanted to do was fight someone else in an effort to beat them and have them join the ranks, along with all the other Smash fighters that she had come to know.

Who was it going to be? That Ike kid had said something about a boy that had an interest in fighting. Mario had mentioned from time to time that Luigi was considering. Perhaps it was someone whose name she hadn't heard before in the same context of fighting. Whoever it was, she hoped she could win.

Someone else had appeared on the platform with Samus, where Master Hand had once hovered. Samus squinted her eyes, more out of inability to identify the person than a look of intimidation. It was a woman, she could tell that much. A woman wearing a white, skintight bodysuit with white platform shoes. More unusual was the white crown on top of her head, attached to which was a veil that covered the woman's eyes. Ruby red lipstick decorated the lips of the stranger's gaping mouth.

Samus then gasped as she realized who this was.

**NEWCOMER: LADY GAGA**

"What the hell is going-"

Samus's sentence failed to reach completion due to the rubber soles of Gaga's platform shoes driving into her stomach.

Samus hit the ground hard but quickly got back up on her feet. This was way too weird, but she knew what she had to do. How she would do it, though, was beyond her.

Lady Gaga pranced over towards Samus, strutting her stuff with her hands on her hips. The bounty hunter cocked an eyebrow under her visor. That Peach girl's skipping was bad enough.

Samus broke into a sprint, her head lowered and ready to assault. Gaga dodged out of the way and kicked her from behind, once again knocking the hunter over. Samus entered her morph ball and dropped a bomb close to the pop star, who was hit and flinched. Seeing her opportunity, Samus socked Gaga one in the gut with her arm cannon, causing her to fly back several feet.

Gaga was quick to recover. She stood in place as the bounty hunter came closer, smiled faintly, and shouted "Teeth!"

Samus was caught off-guard once she realized that her head was now inside Gaga's mouth and being bit at. The hunter freaked out for a moment, as we all would, and then proceeded to break loose. She raised her fist but was intercepted by Gaga with another kick, this time in the shins.

Samus couldn't believe it; this girl was quite an opponent. Her thoughts about the matter were interrupted, however, when she saw a flying sphere zoom through the area. Could it be? A Smash Ball?

Sure enough, there it was and clear as day. This was her chance. If she could jump up and break that thing open, she could fire her beam and possibly end the match.

She looked over at her opponent, who was apparently thinking the same thing. More unusually, Gaga seemed to be in the middle of charging up some kind of bra that she had managed to strap on to herself while Samus was deep in thought. The hunter gasped when she then saw what the bra was for: sparks were flying out of the center of both cups as if it were some messed up and perverted Fire Flower.

However strange it was, Gaga was running towards the hunter at full speed. It was most likely that she was going to try and keep Samus on the ground and too weak to get the Smash Ball for herself, a fact Samus had considered many times before when she found herself in a similar but less unusual situation. She leapt into the air and performed her Screw Attack, successfully grinding into the Smash Ball as she did so. To her disdain it did not break but instead continued to fly about.

This wasn't too good. If Gaga managed to get to the ball before she did, she could kiss her laser goodbye.

As if by some cruel joke, she heard the sound of titty-sparks hitting glass once she hit the floor, followed by the sound of a shattered Smash Ball.

Samus turned just in time to see a glowing Lady Gaga standing far at the other end of the arena. She had no idea what kind of attack she would use as her final smash, but she hoped and prayed that it was something that only had a short range.

The pop star lifted two clenched fists in the air and moved them farther apart. A long baton of sorts formed in her hands, the rod itself black and polished, the head of it crested with a large, glittering jewel of sorts.

Samus gasped as she realized what this was. Legends had been told about previous Smashers of a weapon used rarely that fit this description, but once it was used, it was devastating beyond belief.

The famed, the horrible, the unspeakable Disco Stick.

Gaga twirled the baton around several times in her right hand, a smile on her mouth and her left hand on her _**HUP!!**_ She then held the stick high up in the air, and Samus could see even from far off that the jewel was beginning to glow. Something terrible was going to happen soon.

Out of nowhere, multiple explosions began to start up all over the stage. In a strange and unusual chain reaction, the bounty hunter watched as large, blooming fireballs made their way over to roast her and knock her off the platform. She leapt up into the air as high as she could, barely escaping the peaks of the flames as they licked at her heels.

She touched down for what seemed like the twentieth time this match and returned her gaze to Gaga, who still held the Disco Stick high up in the air.

"Well," the hunter laughed, "now that that didn't work, what do you plan to-"

Samus erupted into flames and died.

**This game's winner is: Lady Gaga!**

"For God and the gays."


End file.
